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Featured Book #1

Six Nations – The Italians

The Italians live life to the full, and do not feel in the least bit guilty leading a life of leisure and pleasure twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. This is what life is all about: Italians do not live to work, they work to live.

Oval | February 4th, 2010 | Continued

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Featured Book #2

Six Nations – Irish

A popular perception of the Irish is that they’re all fiery, freckle-faced red-heads who’ll start a fight at the slightest offence (e.g., being called ‘British’). The bit about the freckles is accurate enough, but the typical Irish person has brown hair and blue eyes. And while they may be descended from the Celts, a fearless people whose warriors were known to run naked into battle, most modern-day Irish people would think twice before running naked into the bathroom.

Oval | February 4th, 2010 | Continued

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Featured Book #3

Six Nations – Welsh

The Welsh are stubborn – very, very stubborn. The Welsh themselves would probably rather say ‘tenacious’, but to anyone on the receiving end a better description might well be ‘bloody-minded’.

Oval | February 4th, 2010 | Continued

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Featured Book #4

Six Nations – Scots

A Scotsman likes to feel that, almost by instinct, he could guddle a trout (palm it out of the water) or gralloch a deer (disembowel it with his knife), even if he spends his day driving a bus or designing software.

Oval | February 4th, 2010 | Continued

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Featured Book #5

Six Nations French

The French are the most faddish people in the world; They love ideas, concepts, innovations – playing around with things, like democracy, railway systems, architecture. It’s not the practical end of the road they’re interested in, but the journey, the possibilities, hence the way they drive, as though safe arrival at their destination was the last thing on their minds.

Oval | February 2nd, 2010 | Continued

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Featured Book #6

Six Nations – English

Moderation – a treasured ideal – means a lot to the English. Their respect for it is reflected in their shared dislike of any person who ‘goes too far’.

Oval | February 2nd, 2010 | Continued

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Xenophobe's Guides

Recent Posts

Teutonic torment

In every German there is a touch of the wild-haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling and Truth are under discussion.

Angst breeds angst

For a German, doubt and anxiety expand and ramify the more you ponder them. They are astonished that things haven’t gone to pot already, and are pretty certain that they soon will.

Longer must be better

Most Germans apply the rule that more equals better. If a passing quip makes you smile, then surely by making it longer the pleasure will be drawn out and increased. As a rule, if you are cornered by someone keen to give you a laugh, you must expect to miss lunch and most of that afternoon’s appointments.

Angst breeds angst

Because life is ernsthaft, the Germans go by the rules. Schiller wrote, ‘obedience is the first duty’, and no German has ever doubted it. This fits with their sense of order and duty. Germans hate breaking rules, which can make life difficult because, as a rule, everything not expressly permitted is prohibited.

All roads lead to Czechia

The Czechs seem to believe that the Earth is the centre of the Universe, Europe is the centre of the Earth and Czechia is at the centre of Europe.

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Chuckling Czechs

Czech humour is distinguished by mad screams, breast and thigh slapping and uncontrollable braying.

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The Czechs would like to be seen as the cauldron in which all that’s good from West and East melts; as if not the best, then at least one of the top nations in the world.

Greek for Xenophobes

You will never need to fear another umlaut. Cedillas are things of the past and accents will never cause you acute or grave pain again. And dipthongs will belong on the beach. Speak like a native by speaking English.

Welcome to the Xenophobe’s® Guides’ site

Xenophobia: an irrational fear of foreigners, probably justified, always understandable.

The Xenophobe’s Guides are humorous guides to cross-cultural awareness, a series that highlights the unique character and behaviour of different nations. Frank, irreverent, funny – almost guaranteed to cure Xenophobia.